A Day in the life of Suki.
Will and I always joke about what we think goes on in our dog's head as she's lying around the house about as useless as a broomstick. Sometimes we make up a dialogue of her thoughts for entertainment (yes, we have issues). So thanks to a lack of clever blogging ideas and WAY too much caffeine, Will and I decided to collaborate on a fun little Day In the Life of Suki experience for your reading pleasure: A Day in the Life of Suki
7:00am- Tucked in-between Alpha (the female human) and Omega (the male human), I hear the bitch next door barking again (What? Technically that’s what she is!) and I decided to let her know who’s running’ this street. I sprint into the living-room and begin to unleash my most vicious bark. After I have established my authority, I feel a need to further express my dominance, oh look, Omega left his messenger bag on the floor again . . . score! Right as I begin my squat he catches me . . . looks like I’m headed outside in the freezing cold.
7:15am- Now that that's out of the way, I can get back to sleep! I hop in to bed with wet paws and step all over the Alpha’s face as I make my way to the warmest spot under the blankets. Ahhhhh . . . there it is.
7:30am- Zzzzzzzz . . .
8am- Zzzzzzzz . . .
8:45am- An alarm buzzes and I’m rudely awoken by Alpha. She completely messes up the warm little nook near the bottom of the bed. Great . . . now I have to readjust and go back to sleep . . . humans.
10:30am- I’m being called for breakfast, but I have no interest in their mind games . . .
11:30am- Those irritating humans I live with start screaming the word walk at the top of their lungs . . . I know what they want, but I ignore them . . . the sheets are still warm . . .
12pm- A heavy purring shakes the bed, and I feel the weight of a 15 lb. cat crushing my tiny body. After I regain my composure I bite her on the neck, and chase her off the bed, but right as I'm about to crawl back into the warmth of my nook, Alpha snatches me out of bed, and places me next to a bowl of unappetizing meat, rice, and other garbage. I turn my nose up, and slowly walk over to her and paw at her leg until she gets annoyed. I fall asleep on her lap.
12:30pm- Woken up again?! What is it with this walk crap?
12:45pm- Well, I’m out here might as well enjoy it . . . it smells like other dogs everywhere, and I get to roll around in all the smells when the humans aren't looking. Oh joy! Another dog! I'll just use all my strength to pull them along with my manipulation device until they bring me over to say hi! They totally buy it. Suckers.
12:50pm- I am already bored with this unintelligent creature. Let's go back home so I can finish my nap.
1pm- My stomach starts to make noise, so I try to eat some of that ghastly food they feed me. It's hard to stomach so I go back to Alpha’s lap for a little more naptime.
2pm- I'm awoken by stomach pangs . . . fine . . . I’ll eat. Hmm, I now feel surprisingly energetic, and I decide to run around the house like a bunny rabbit until the cat chases me. When she doesn't respond I show her who’s boss by dragging her around the house by her neck until she surrenders and gives me the attention I deserve. She's so weak . . .
2:30pm- Oh no! All this playing has given me the urge to go doodie! Instead of telling Alpha or Omega, I hide in the bathroom so they don't see me. I poo on the bath rug . . . it doesn’t really match the shower curtain anyways.
2:45pm- Omega is yelling that walk thing again . . . little do they know I've already done my business . . . but maybe I can find something good to sniff.
3:45pm- That was EXHAUSTING!!! How dare he make me stay on my feet for so long! Don't you see the SIZE OF MY LEGS! It's definitely nap-time again.
6:45pm- Those humans yelling my name again, I come out of my napping spot under the couch to see what they want. They try stuffing some more of that disgusting food down my throat . . . please . . . I just want to go back under the couch and sleep.
11pm- Ahhhh, I feel so refreshed! The humans say it’s bedtime, but I’m ready for playtime! Time to wrestle the cat on the bed while they try to sleep. She's always trying to get my bones when I'm not looking. She'll pay for her insubordination!!!
11:30pm- All that playing really worked me up an appetite! I guess I'll just bark at the big white box that holds the food until the humans wake up and feed me . . . oh look, it worked!
. . . wait, is that a newspaper in his hand?